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where it all began
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Peace like a river
I’ve got peace like a river
:) Surprisingly enough
Also, Photoshop is bomb.
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Opposites
I’ve been thinking. This weekend and next weekend are opposites. I can already tell. I might not have even realized it if they hadn’t been back to back. I get to visit my Mom and Dad over Labor Day weekend. I haven’t been home in 4 or 5 months and they miss me and want to see me. I miss them and want to see them too. So, they bought me a plane ticket to Houston. We’re not one of those families with money to burn on impromptu airplane tickets, but they don’t care.
Now, let me be very honest in saying that I have uh… somewhat of a speckled past. Our family has always been close. We’ve always loved each other. Actually, I don’t think I know a family out there that is as close as we are. But there have been many times when I’ve been awful to my mom, my dad, and my brother. I mean really awful. I’ve said hurtful things out of anger, I’ve made painful decisions out of selfishness, I’ve put them through things no one should ever have to go through. I’ve lied to and hidden things from them, and I’ve caused them a lot of pain over the 21 years I’ve been around. Not just my family. My friends too. But, you know what? When they think about me, they don’t remember those things - not out of bitterness or anger. Now that’s some serious love. 1 Corinthians talks about how love covers a multitude of sins. It says love keeps no record of wrongs. I think about that and realize that those 3 people (especially) love me like crazy.
I’ve shown up at my family’s door at all hours of the day and night. I’ve shown up drunk, I’ve shown up high, I’ve shown up in tears, angry, full of hate, full of pride, intentionally hurting myself and them, broken, confused - you name it. Regardless of how angry they were, how hurt, broken, or confused, they always let me inside. I’ve never had to beg. I haven’t ever even really had to ask. I know they want me. It makes no sense. I don’t know how they do it, but they choose to look past the messes that I have made in order to see instead the woman that God has created me to be.
My family has sacrificed so much for me. They don’t dwell on how much they’ve had to give up though. There are even some sacrifices they’ve made that they think I don’t know about - and I’m sure there are more. They could make a list of all they’ve done for me. They could rub it in and make feel guilty. They could demand appreciation and thanks. But they don’t. They just keep on giving.
Now don’t get me wrong. They, like me, are far from perfect. They’ve hurt me too. They’ve said things and done things that they probably shouldn’t have. But the reason I can forgive them is because by forgiving me, they’ve taught me how. They’ve taught me that it’s important. It’s weird that they forgive me. I mean, my family has seen me at my very worst. I’ve wounded them both individually and collectively. I’ve hurt each of them differently, but all of them very deeply. Still, they’ve never turned me away. They’ve cared for me even when it hurts.
And that tells me a lot about God. If my family loves me this way, then how much more does God love me?? It puts things into perspective. Other people can turn me away. They can reject me. They can tell me they don’t want me. And yeah, it hurts. But it’s okay. It’s okay because I know that when it comes to God, there are no hoops to jump through; there are no conditions. I’m His daughter and I am wanted. I am welcome. No questions asked. Kinda reminds me of some people He’s put in my life. Even at their angriest, even on their worst days - even on mine, they’ve never turned me away. But you know what? Even if they did, God won’t EVER turn me away. He will ALWAYS want me.
No wonder God put my mom and dad and Mike into my life. Without them, I’m not sure I could have begun to understand the way that God loves me and wants me to love others. What blows me away is that all this crazy love I experience from people is just a shadow of a shadow of what God’s love is like. I know this isn’t any new or crazy theological breakthrough. I know we’ve all heard before that God loves us. Sometimes it even gets old. Jesus, Im sorry for the times I’ve taken Your love for granted. Friends, let’s never get tired of hearing how much God loves us and wants us! We get to be excited about this from now until we die and then for eternity!
So to wrap up this very long post: God loves me. He gave me my family. My family loves God. He helps them love me the way they do. All this allows me to love people in return. I’m so thankful for God’s love. I’m so thankful that He wants me. And I am so thankful for my family. I’m so thankful that they want me to visit them. Especially this weekend. Especially yesterday and especially today. Next weekend is going to be great :)
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Two things.
1. Last night I went on an epic 4:35am bike ride. I was just cruising around minding my own business when BAM! Well, almost bam. I almost got hit by a car!! Luckily, there was an ambulance waiting in a turn lane right next to me so, had I actually gotten hit I would have gotten the quickest medical attention ever. heh.
2. Then I was riding on campus and I found $5 in the middle of the sidewalk so obviously, I picked it up and put it in my pocket :) but when I got home it wasn’t there anymore! So, that being said. There is a free 5 dollar bill somewhere between my house and the MU. So GO! The race is on. Best of luck. Get it and then go to broomball tonight with cru!
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Mister Brother.
I know that a lot of love and tears and smiles and memories have gone into this lovely EP and I gotta say that as I’m officially listening to it for the first time, I’m pretty honored to have been able to be a little part of it. Thanks, Nate. :)
Take a listen. Ask about the stories behind the songs because God is in all of them. He’s done some pretty amazing things in the past few years, huh?
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“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
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Turns out that once again, who I am is not who I want to be. I don’t want to be someone who must constantly be dragged into the light and into truth and into healthy and meaningful relationships. I want to seek these things out myself. I want to be drawn to them. I want to be like my friend the moth.
“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.” - John 3:19-21
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college.
college: (n.) A school, sometimes but not always a university, offering special instruction in professional or technical subjects
ermmm, i think that i would enjoy college much more without the whole college thing.
